My oh my.. it's been quite some time.
Honestly, I've been putting this blog off for a while, not knowing what words I would like to use or how I would like this to go..
But This isn't going to be a "woe is me" entry, don't worry..
Here we go.
It's funny isn't it? How we can live our lives day to day in the same rut or routine, never taking risks or exploring WHY we were given this life we have..
It's funny isn't it? How every day we can find something to complain about... "UGH! It's raining!!" or "Why didn't the teacher email me that class was cancelled so I didn't have to drive 30 minutes to school!!"
There's always something, right?
Of course.
But I think the true beauty of this life isn't fully seen until we over look all the little bumps in the road and see "the big picture".
Sometimes, this picture is SUPER hard to see.
And sometimes, unfortunately, you have to go through some really hard times for this whole idea to finally sink in.
That's what happened to me.
As most of you know, in early January, my doctor found a mass in the center of my head (in front of my brain) and was unable to tell exactly what it was without doing surgery.
The surgery was quick and out patient.
I was home by 7:00 p.m. the same night and felt OK. By 1:00 a.m., I was hemorrhaging from my nose and stomach. I collapsed in my hallway but was still conscious. The second time I collapsed, I fell on my mom as she tried to catch me.
The next thing I remember is waking up to my mom yelling on the phone to the 911 dispatcher saying she didn't know if I had a seizure or what happened and my dad was shaking me to wake up.
Less than 5 minutes later, the ambulance had arrived and took me away.
I was admitted to the hospital and pumped with so much fluid that my hands began to swell.
The debate began: Blood Transfusion or no Blood transfusion?
The nurses said yes, but the Doctor finally said no.
After my body had settled, I had lost half of my blood and all of my stamina.
The hospital stay consisted of countless needle pokes and blood pressure checks until I was finally discharged.
The next week, I was spoon fed by my mom because I was so weak. (Best mom ever award? I think so!) And we all waited for the biopsy results from the mass.
the emotional breakdowns began:
What most people don't know (because I don't tell them), is that "the bright light" you supposedly see when you're near death, is really THAT bright.. blinding bright. Don't wait until this moment to wish you had lived. You were given the life you have right now for a reason. Take full advantage of it.
Honestly, I've been putting this blog off for a while, not knowing what words I would like to use or how I would like this to go..
But This isn't going to be a "woe is me" entry, don't worry..
Here we go.
It's funny isn't it? How we can live our lives day to day in the same rut or routine, never taking risks or exploring WHY we were given this life we have..
It's funny isn't it? How every day we can find something to complain about... "UGH! It's raining!!" or "Why didn't the teacher email me that class was cancelled so I didn't have to drive 30 minutes to school!!"
There's always something, right?
Of course.
But I think the true beauty of this life isn't fully seen until we over look all the little bumps in the road and see "the big picture".
Sometimes, this picture is SUPER hard to see.
And sometimes, unfortunately, you have to go through some really hard times for this whole idea to finally sink in.
That's what happened to me.
As most of you know, in early January, my doctor found a mass in the center of my head (in front of my brain) and was unable to tell exactly what it was without doing surgery.
The surgery was quick and out patient.
I was home by 7:00 p.m. the same night and felt OK. By 1:00 a.m., I was hemorrhaging from my nose and stomach. I collapsed in my hallway but was still conscious. The second time I collapsed, I fell on my mom as she tried to catch me.
The next thing I remember is waking up to my mom yelling on the phone to the 911 dispatcher saying she didn't know if I had a seizure or what happened and my dad was shaking me to wake up.
Less than 5 minutes later, the ambulance had arrived and took me away.
I was admitted to the hospital and pumped with so much fluid that my hands began to swell.
The debate began: Blood Transfusion or no Blood transfusion?
The nurses said yes, but the Doctor finally said no.
After my body had settled, I had lost half of my blood and all of my stamina.
The hospital stay consisted of countless needle pokes and blood pressure checks until I was finally discharged.
The next week, I was spoon fed by my mom because I was so weak. (Best mom ever award? I think so!) And we all waited for the biopsy results from the mass.
the emotional breakdowns began:
"How could this happen?!"
"It's my last semester of college!!"
"Why me?!"
The list goes on..
I was unsure if I would be able to even go back to school this semester or if I would have to push my graduation day back.
I cried every day. For hours.
Until one day I woke up, looked at myself in the mirror, and said.. "You got this."
(silly as that sounds, that's exactly what happened)
Every day from that point on I woke up encouraging myself to do one new thing that I wasn't able to do before.
One day it was eating applesauce by myself.
The next was sitting up by myself.
Later, walking into the living room by myself.
And so on and so forth.
Because I changed my thinking, I changed my life.
Two weeks later, I was in classes full time.
The reason I told this story is not for glamour, but for the idea that we don't have to wait to start living until our lives are almost taken.
Living is so precious.
Breathing is so precious.
Why do we take these things for granted?
Don't.
Stop it right this second.
Do whatever is #1 on your bucket list.
Fall in love.
Travel.
Skydive.
Whatever it is that you're wanting, want it no more and get it. Now.
Because that "Big Picture" I mentioned? You're in it. And you can paint the colors of this picture however you chose to. Positively or negatively. Big or small. 3D or 2D.
What most people don't know (because I don't tell them), is that "the bright light" you supposedly see when you're near death, is really THAT bright.. blinding bright. Don't wait until this moment to wish you had lived. You were given the life you have right now for a reason. Take full advantage of it.
So, I guess the final question is:
How does your picture look to you?
P.S. ---The biopsy was benign :)
