For Someone

This post has been done by millions of people.

Nothing ever changes.

But I don't feel like it is pointless to write...

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You will still be ridiculed for your body. Your shape. The perfect flesh and blood God put you in.

It won't matter what I write on here.

It's going to happen. 

What WILL matter, is opening and eye or two to see that you're more than what they say you are. 

You're perfect.

We live in a publicly private world. 

Publicly, we ridicule others or are ridiculed ourselves, every day.

Privately, we cry.

We over analyze the words we've heard throughout the day, making ourselves mentally sick over how we've heard we look.

We hear words.

Look in the mirror.

Maybe shed a tear, maybe not.

Stuff ourselves to gain weight,

or starve ourselves to loose it.

Only for the hopes that whoever sees you that day will be happy with how you look.

After all, it doesn't matter how you think you look, right?

Wrong.

So, so wrong.

I worry about the young girls who are growing up in this world.

People are so judgmental.

Why can't people say things like, "You're beautiful" "Those eyes are amazing" "You're so caring"...things that are positive and lift the spirit?  

But it's not just the girls, it's the boys too.

Boys are often forgotten when it comes to body image, self esteem, confidence.  Why? Because they're supposed to be strong and unbreakable. 

They break, too.

I'll be the one to say, "You're beautiful"

I'll be the one to say, "Those eyes are amazing"

I'll be the one to say, "You're so caring"

I hope you will as well.

It takes one cruel word to break the spirit, and a million to tape together the broken pieces.

We all need to remind ourselves of this::

Peace&Love

Objects

This will be short.
Just a little thought while laying in bed last night.

Why do we stop ourselves from throwing breakable things when we are angry?
Because they will break.
Why do we care?
Because then we will be short one, small, breakable plate.
Because then we have to clean it up.
Because then we have to worry about tiny pieces that may be wedged into the carpet that we may have missed and cut our toe.

So why isn't it this easy to stop our breakable words?
You know, those words that fling out of your mouth when you are angry that you wish never would have.
Those words that cut like a knife.
That hurt the spirit. The soul. The heart.

Why is it so easy to control breaking a replaceable object, yet so easy to break an irreplaceable one?

Are harsh words not like little pieces of wedged glass?

Shattering a plate is a one time thing.
Shattering a person leaves cracks forever.


This world is full of hateful words, ugly personalities, and broken people.
          
           BIG
Be the little change that needs to happen on this planet.
An uplifting hug, a joyful smile.  Those are the things people need.

After all, actions DO speak louder than words.

The Tough Blog

My heart is breaking right now.

It's 2:14 a.m. as I sit here watching a woman on Dr. Phil suffering from Anorexia.  She describes herself as "I'm just a disease waiting to die."
She has no desire to seek a treatment center because they've failed her.
She feels completely worthless. disconnected.
She feels like a burden. nothing. hopeless.

(Dr. Phil just used Art Therapy on her.. holla!)

Anyway.

My heart is breaking because this woman, like millions of other people, has been captivated by an illness that has gotten so far in her head, it's suffocating her.

It's not just anorexia that does this.  It's depression, bipolar, schizo, ADD, bulimia, and countless others that take control over one's life. 

But what's even more upsetting, is the way people are viewed who have these issues.  The audience on Dr. Phil, is looking at her with disgust.  They are in shock that someone could look, think, and act in such a way that is so disastrous to their health.  I guarantee most of them dont have empathy.  They just have judgemental eyes. 

I have had my fair share of run ins with ignorant people who don't know how to deal with others different than themselves.  They see the person as the disease they have, not who they really are. 

This woman is a skier, biker, kind, and I'm sure much more.  But the audience will never know that. 

I sympathize so much with this woman.  I was sick for 2 years with a hidden tumor, lost 20 lbs, was accused numerous times of having an eating disorder because I looked "disgusting", and felt like a diseased, hopeless burden.

I have never had an eating disorder. 
But the accusations murdered my spirit. 

I write this with tears in my eyes, hoping that if you're reading this and are going through something tricky, just know that you're not alone. 
If you are sick, I pray you get healthy soon.  But know that everything will be ok and you are never alone.
If you are depressed, I pray you find your smile again, because I'm sure it missed being on your face.
If times are just really hard right now, I pray the storm eases quickly.  Hard times don't last forever.

....I guess I write these blogs in hopes that they touch someone.  That maybe they give a little sunshine to an otherwise gloomy day.  Everyone is battling something, whether it's based around food, emotions, genetics, or infection, in the end, we all have to lean on eachother instead of judge one another for our differences.  God made everyone unique, embrace it.  If you're skinny, embrace it.  If you're curvylicious, embrace it.  If you have a genetic disorder, embrace it.  Be content with who you are. 
There's no need to belittle others who look or act differently than yourself.  You have no idea what anyone is going through. This woman became anorexic because of her father being so worried she would be fat, that he put her on a diet at age 5.  He couldn't stand the thought of his child weighting more than everyone else.  Now, because of his words and actions, she's destroying herself. 

When I was a Junior in high school, I went through a tough time. 
Years later, a distant friend began to go through the same hard time, but she had me to lean on.
It was then that I created the mindset that, "Ok, I'm going through a hard time right now.  But in the future, this hard time will help someone."

I've stuck with this mind set ever since and it's never failed me. 

We have the power to help eachother.
Maybe because we've been through a similar situation, or maybe just because we can.

As I wipe away my tears, I can only hope I lifted someone spirits. 

"I Yaffta Yair a Rerainer!"

I have always been a perfectionist.
Always.
Not since 6th grade.
Not since Freshman year of college.
ALWAYS.

I kick myself when I get a B.
I change my outfit 3+ times daily.
I can shower up to 4 times a day (if I'm stressed).
I'm 10 minutes early to everything.
I repeat what I'm going to say in my head at least twice before it actually comes out of my mouth (I read what I write nearly 5 times before I send it as well)
I just got home from the Orthodontist.  Teeth aren't perfectly straight anymore since surgery. Gotta fix it. (hence the title of this blog.  Yes, that is how I talk now.)

and yet...

My room is always a mess.
...as is my car...
I would rather wear sweats every day.
I'm not organized.
I have a terrible memory.
I yell at sports games...cuz I'ma lady.
I enjoy sleep probably a little too much.
I laugh when I'm nervous, uncomfortable, in an awkward situation, mad, scared, pretty much every emotion. It's quite a hassle.
and a lot of times, I care a little too much.

...after reading that you probably already know too much about me now. Sorry.

As you may know, back in January I had a "surgery gone bad" issue (if you haven't read the blog about it, go here: The Big Picture )  My recovery lasted until April when I was released of my handicapped parking pass and all of the medical mysteries were solved.  The mass was benign, I didn't have MS, and my autoimmune test came back negative for every disease.

It was during this time of getting in and out of my "handicapped labeled car", that I began to realize just how much I care about what people think of me.  I wondered how people viewed me now, with this little dangling sign signifying that I needed to park close to a door because I was disabled.

Unfortunately, I cared a little too much, and as soon as I got in the car I'd rip the sign off of my rear view window, look around to make sure no one saw me, and head out.

Shallow. I know.

Looking back, I have watched my thoughts.  Paying close attention to just how much I obsess over how other people see me, what I do, how I think, who I am.  And working on, "caring less".

How exhausting is that?

This month, I have made a vow to myself, to live for myself.  Not for how others want me to.  Not to impress anyone other than myself.  Because in the end, YOU have to live with your life.

Last year I wrote a blog about a shop I want to open some day ( That One Place ).

I have completed my Undergrad as an Art Therapy major.  So, naturally, I thought the next step was to go on for a Psychology Masters.  I was accepted into the program, with a knot in my stomach.  An unsettling knot that nags at you saying "hellooo I'm a knot! Something's not ok! Fix it!"  All summer, I had this knot.  I knew it had to do with grad school.. I wasn't content with my decision.

I began to think, "Why would I want to go into psychology when I don't want to do therapy on people? or research? or teach? or...really anything related to psychology? (Sure, some people are cut out for that.  I just carry everyones emotions on my back along with mine.  I cried when a bird flew into my car and still lived ok? I'm emotional.  I accept this. )

Because of my vow to myself, I have decided to pursue an MBA in Marketing.
(Quite a change, eh?)

This will not only help my future because of the numerous job opportunities, but it will also put me in a place to open my dream shop down the road.  Let me tell you, after filling out the application for grad school (again) I have NEVER had the butterflies I had.  Almost puked. Just sayin'.

I did this for myself.
The hardest part was letting go of what I had heard I SHOULD do, and coming to know what I really WANTED to do.

I still obsess over certain things, I admit.
But the biggest thing even remotely worth obsessing over is, "What can you do right now to make yourself the happiest?"

Do you have an answer?
If you're not doing what makes you happiest every day of your life, then what are you doing?
Everyone deserves to be the happiest.

I'm getting my MBA because that's what makes ME happy.
I'm fixing my teeth and lookin' lika foo cuz that makes ME happy (not so much the lookin lika foo part..but the straight teeth part...)
I may be a perfectionist, but I now am a perfectionist for myself.  Not for anyone else.

So, are you your happiest?

<3




               Not the happiest today? Maybe this will help put a lil smile on your face.

                                                (Youtube video reactions)

Oprah and I Have Never Been Best Friends

Oprah and I have never been best friends.  

She possessed my TV. Haunting the (what is now referred to as) "OWN" channel.  I don't even know how many shows this woman needs or has, but she just seemed a little full of herself.  Who needs a whole TV station named after 'em?! Really. Psh.

So we've had this on-going battle of "watchmeI'monyourTV" vs. "umnothanks".

Today I gave in.  (Probably just for the fact that I was bored and didn't feel the best.)

You win, Oprah.

So, this little show called, "Oprahs Lifeclass", was on.  Fine. I'll give it a whirl.  

The show was on Anger & Forgiveness.  Both things I have been trying to conquer lately.  

Oprah begins to describe what it ultimately feels like to completely forgive.  

Complete forgiveness isn't just an, "I'm sorry."  It's a completely heart changing experience.  Its about accepting what has happened.  Understanding that you cannot go back and change it.  Changing your heart to accept it.  And letting go.

It's about knowing that your anger and bitterness in no way hurts the others involved.  It only hurts you, your spirit, and your own happiness.  By holding on to anger, you allow yourself to be completely closed off to the goodness that can come into your life.  You allow yourself to be completely immersed in this pool of darkness for ever, until you learn to forgive.  

"Forgiveness is giving up hope that the past could be any different." --my bff Oprah.

Anger is rooted in the past.  Something happened. Something or someone was bad.  Now I'm angry.

Forgiveness is rooted in acceptance.  I accept that this happened.  I understand why.  And this is how I can forgive and move forward.  

Once we understand this concept, our heart opens up to forgiving, and our life can move forward. 

.....Just a 'lil sumthin' sumthin' I learned today.  Hope you enjoyed <3 

I Met A Man in Disneyworld

My trip to Disney (although nearly a month ago) was exhausting.  My girlfriends and I were on the go all day, every day..even on our "day of rest".

So on this "day of rest", we shopped...because that seems to be what women find relaxing.  As we entered the World of Disney store, I had my little heart set on buying a huge, blinged-out snow globe.  Surrounded by all of the Disney characters. Played music.  Had moving parts. HUGE I say. You get the picture.

Boom. Found it.

...Tackiest thing ever.

Moving on.

I settle for a classic snow globe.  No Disney characters.  Doesn't move.  Just the castle.  It does play "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes" though! It's a classy lil thing.

Before you get bored with this post and hit the big "X" on your screen.. wait. I have a point.

So I walk over to the check out counter where a nice Asian intern is working.  I'm patiently waiting as a man in a wheelchair pulls up to the counter and says, "next!"

He was a man, maybe in his late 50s, whose voice was low and words were slightly slurred.  He sat contently in his wheelchair with two nearly immobile arms, an amputated leg, and a crippled leg. 

He took my snow globe (along with some other souvenirs) and slowly began to ring up my findings with his one working hand.  I stood quietly, not because I was uncomfortable, but because I wanted to know his story...but didn't know the right words to say.

I'm an extremely curious person who loves to learn about everything and everyone, if you didn't know.  So, probably 15 minutes into ringing up my souvenirs and wrapping them up for me, I saw on his name tag that he was from New York.  Wondering how he had worked his way down to Orlando, I asked. 

The story I received what unexpected and heart wrenching.

He had been a retired veteran for severla years.  Over 7 years before coming to Orlando, he had needed a heart transplant.  He waited anxiously for a new heart, when a donor finally became available.  As he was on the table getting a new heart inserted into his body, he had a double heart attack.  After he had woken up from surgery, he had a massive brain aneurysm that had caused the crippling and slowed speech. 

He had been in physical therapy for years, trying to regain his life when he contacted Disney, hoping for an opportunity.  They said if he finished college, he could work for them.  He received a Disney scholarship, finished college, got a job with Disney, and is thriving.

After telling me his story, a tear in my eye and a heavy heart, he looked at me and said, "Life is good.  Life is so so good." 

This man made me look at life completely differently.  Maybe that's why this post is so late from when I actually met him.  I'm still digesting the information he gave me and translating that into my own terms for my own life. 

I take advantage of life.  In a positive and negative way.

Ever since I had my little scare in January, I have said "Yes" to opportunities that I otherwise would not have.  I am taking risks and chances that most people never will.  I have realized that I only have this one life.  And it's getting shorter by the minute, as scary as that is. 

On the negative side, I take advantage of my life.  I have this one life, and I live it selfishly.  I sometimes sit back for the ride instead of taking life by the horns. I may sound completely contradictory, but that's only because I contradict myself daily. 

Everyone has a story. A past. A future. 
I wanted to share this one in hopes of opening your eyes to people who God puts right in front of you, for good reason.  You just have to figure out exactly what that reason is.  Maybe it's to learn.  Maybe it's to befriend someone you otherwise wouldn't be friends with.  Maybe its to grow as a human being. 

The point is, life IS good.  Always. 

Like this quote says, "It may be a bad day, but it's not a bad life."


Much love,
AmyJo

That Moment

Sometimes in life, there seem to be those moments where whatever you have been searching for smacks you between the eyes.  It's like God saying, "Hey! I'm here. I've got your back. This is what you need to do. Go."

I just had one of those moments.

Ever since my surgery back in January (if you missed the blog about it, it's titled "The Big Picture";) ), I have been constantly thinking about how God has given me a second chance at life.  I find myself wondering what he wants me to do with it. Where should I go? What's my "true calling"?

I have known since birth that I was put on this earth to help people. How? I never knew.

I considered being a nurse...for about a week.  I'm not a fan of needles, blood, sickness, hospitals, doctors offices, or pretty much anything related to the field.  The only thing that interested me was the idea of saving lives.

My next "life saving possible career" was being a Vet...aka a pet doc.  Pets have lives too, so I thought it might be nice to help make their lives healthier and longer.  I cried at the movie My Dog Skip.... so being a Vet was a no-go.

So, I went back to my roots.  Art.  What could I possibly do with art that could help others? Oh! Art Therapy! After an art therapy internship right before my last year of college, I discovered that wasn't for me either.  This may come as a shock to some of you.  I shouldn't say I'll never do art therapy, but I won't be working with children who have been physically and mentally abused like I did during my internship.  Heartbreaking.

The moment hit me tonight as I watched a man loose his fight battling Leukemia.  All he needed was healthy bone marrow, but a perfect match wasn't found in time.

Tonight I signed up to be a Bone Marrow Donor.

I've been scared in a hospital bed when I was seconds away from needing a blood transfusion.  Blood is hard to find a match for, bone marrow is even harder and there is less of it around.  If I could help just one person lengthen their life or even save it, then I feel like I've done what I've been put on this planet to do.

This is something I can do to save a life.  It's something I have that someone else needs and I'm more than happy to share it.

I encourage anyone and everyone to check out the site : http://www.dkmsamericas.org/home
Read. Watch. Learn.

If you're not into blood marrow donation (since it can be more invasive than a typical blood donation) then I encourage you to donate blood.  Just a couple minutes is all it takes!

Avila University is having a Blood Drive on July 2nd, from 9 am - Noon in the Whitfield Conference Room.

Saving a life doesn't have to take years, it's as simple as signing your name on a line and saying
"I'll be there if you need me."